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August 25/26, 2018
Jason Meyer | Mark 10:1-12
And he left there and went to the region of Judea and beyond the Jordan, and crowds gathered to him again. And again, as was his custom, he taught them.
And Pharisees came up and in order to test him asked, “Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife?” He answered them, “What did Moses command you?” They said, “Moses allowed a man to write a certificate of divorce and to send her away.” And Jesus said to them, “Because of your hardness of heart he wrote you this commandment. But from the beginning of creation, ‘God made them male and female.’ ‘Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.’ So they are no longer two but one flesh.What therefore God has joined together, let not man separate.”
And in the house the disciples asked him again about this matter. And he said to them, “Whoever divorces his wife and marries another commits adultery against her, and if she divorces her husband and marries another, she commits adultery.”—Mark 10:1–12
Introduction to a Four-Part Series
Today we begin a four-part series on divorce and remarriage. We find ourselves stunned once more between where we are in Mark and where God has us as a church. The elders have had two retreats in the last two years. We had deep times of study and frank times of discussion over one issue: divorce and remarriage—both in the Bible and at Bethlehem. The time has come to bring you into this discussion. And lo and behold, look where we are: Mark 10, on divorce and remarriage.
We could have taken the easy route and only preached on Mark 10, but it would have been a one-sided discussion because this text has a particular point that stands out. Other texts and topics are missing from the discussion. So we have decided to devote four sermons to this topic.
In the first sermon (today), we will take Mark 10 head on. Jesus takes the “no fault” divorce culture of his day to task and unpacks God’s design for marriage.
The second sermon will consider Matthew 19 and ask how to interpret the additional revelation that we read in that text.
Mark 10:11–12
And he said to them, “Whoever divorces his wife and marries another commits adultery against her, and if she divorces her husband and marries another, she commits adultery.”
Matthew 19:9
And I say to you: whoever divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another, commits adultery.”
At this point, you will learn that the elders read this text in two different ways. Some elders believe that the Bible teaches that we should preserve marriage at any cost, while the majority of the elders agree that we should preserve marriage at great cost, but not at any cost. Jesus made an exception here that allows for divorce and remarriage in some scenarios.
This will be a hard and sensitive sermon, and space will be given here to grieve and lament over this fallen world and what some people here have experienced in marriages that fell apart—leaving them broken and wounded.
The first two sermons will need to hold together in your minds. Either one without the other will be incomplete. The first week will look at the earthly symbol of marriage and the heavenly reality of the marriage between Christ and his bride. We will emphasize that Christ does not divorce his bride. We should strive to have the symbol and the reality line up as closely as possible. The second week will look at what happens when the earthly symbol fails. What shall we say about the heavenly reality at that point? You can find hope and healing in the heavenly reality even when the earthly symbol has failed.
The third week will be the most ambitious sermon of them all in terms of what we try to cover. We will bring these studies about divorce and remarriage in the Bible to bear on our life together at Bethlehem, especially with respect to our current relational commitments. The elders are proposing a couple of changes and I will be presenting those changes and a rationale for them in the message.
The fourth week we will look at 1 Peter 3:1–7. We will get very practical about how husbands and wives ought to relate to one another and to God in a Christian marriage. We will talk about what spiritual leadership is and isn’t and what submission is and isn’t.
Some of you are probably thinking that you are glad you are not me! It reminds me of something that happened when I was a doctoral student and I was pastoring my first little church in Kentucky. How I loved those people! My first sermon series was a series on the Sermon on the Mount. After the seventh sermon, someone came up to me and said, “You are so brave!” I said, “I sure don’t feel brave. Why do you say that?”
“You just preached a sermon on divorce. Don’t you know that five people in our church are divorced?”
I said, “I am new enough that I don’t know everyone who has been divorced. But I am not brave for preaching on divorce. I didn’t choose the topic. It was simply the next text in Matthew for today.”
We need to trust that God is at work for our good here in this text on this day. If he said it, then we need to hear it. So I am glad that some of you are thinking of me and the next four sermons, but I want you to know that I am thinking not about me, but about you. I am aware that this four-part series will stir things up for almost everyone: people who are single (those who are excited about marriage or skeptical and cynical about marriage), engaged people, people who are married (good marriages and struggling marriages), people who are separated, people who are divorced, people who are divorced and remarried, people who are children of divorce, people who are children whose parents are currently separated, etc.
Prayer
(I hope everyone feels their need for prayer at this moment.)
Outline
We have seen this pattern before. The Pharisees present Jesus with a test in order to trap him, but he answers their question with impeccable wisdom, usually in a way that turns the tables on them. When he is alone in a private setting with the disciples, he gives an explanation that is suited to them.
The main point or climax of the story is Jesus’ charge to the disciples in verses 10–12. We will work our way up to that point together.
“And he left there and went to the region of Judea and beyond the Jordan, and crowds gathered to him again. And again, as was his custom, he taught them. And Pharisees came up and in order to test him asked, “Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife?”
Verse one lets us know that Jesus is now in a different setting and a different teaching situation. It forces the reader to ask whether or not there is a connection between Jesus’ teaching at the end of chapter 9 and his teaching here in chapter 10. A strong connection definitely links these two sections, but we will have to wait until point 2 to see it.
Notice that the Pharisees come and ask a question in order to test Jesus. They are never presented as taking a posture of learning. They think they are giving the test, and they set the trap. They want to trap Jesus in his words. They devised a question: “Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife?”
The test here is not immediately obvious from the question itself. Matthew’s Gospel contains more information that alerts us to a cultural context and a debate already in progress.
Listen to the way the question is framed in Matthew 19:3.
And Pharisees came up to him and tested him by asking, “Is it lawful to divorce one’s wife for any cause?”
The true test or trap comes with the added phrase, “for any cause.” The question is really about the idea of “no-fault divorce.” Can a man divorce his wife no matter what the cause? Have you ever felt like you entered into a conversation and then it got heated and it escalated quickly and you wondered what was going on? That usually happens when there is an ongoing debate and it functions like a hidden landmine for unsuspecting people to step on. The Pharisees are trying to trap Jesus with the landmine debate between two prominent Rabbi’s in Jesus’ day: Rabbi Shammai and Rabbi Hillel.
Here is the debate in a nutshell. The rabbis were debating how to interpret a phrase in Deuteronomy 29:1 on divorce.
When a man takes a wife and marries her, if then she finds no favor in his eyes because he has found some indecency in her, and he writes her a certificate of divorce and puts it in her hand and sends her out of his house …
The Rabbis would debate what would qualify as indecency in her husband’s eyes that would lead him to divorce her and send her away. If you were to translate the Hebrew phrase in a form-based way, it would be “the nakedness of a thing.” One school of thought, led by Rabbi Shammai took that “nakedness” literally. They restricted the meaning of indecency to physical nakedness like adultery (that is what the husband discovers). Rabbi Shammai went further in saying that if a husband discovered that his wife had committed adultery then he must divorce her (it was not only permitted, it was mandated). This view, however, was a minority view in Jesus’ day.
Another school of thought, led by Rabbi Hillel, said that the “indecency” could be anything – even something as minimal as burning his toast. They believed that “a cause of indecency” actually contained two grounds for divorce: (1) indecency (i.e., adultery) and (2) “a cause” (i.e., each and every cause). If he didn’t like her cooking, he could find a better wife. If he didn’t like his wife’s physical appearance, he could send her away and find a better-looking wife.
That is the debate, and thus their question, is a trap: when they ask about divorce for any cause, they are asking if he agrees with the Hillel school or if he will disagree with them and side with Shammai. Either way, they have him. The Pharisees are wanting to alienate Jesus—depending on how he answers, he will lose one side or the other. But let’s watch what Jesus does to avoid the trap.
The first step Jesus takes is to go back to the Law itself.
He answered them, “What did Moses command you?” (v. 3)
They asked what was lawful and so Jesus takes them back to the actual Law (not the Rabbis). They answer correctly.
They said, “Moses allowed a man to write a certificate of divorce and to send her away.” (v. 4)
They seem to think that they have said enough. Case closed. Moses said it was OK to divorce. He gave a series of steps to take: (1) write a certificate of divorce, and (2) send her away.
But the problem with the Pharisees is that they are staring at the Law and seeing the legal issue (i.e., the external), but they never stop to consider the underlying heart issues. Why did Moses have to legislate divorce? Is it because God wanted it to happen?
And Jesus said to them, “Because of your hardness of heart he wrote you this commandment.” (v. 5)
Jesus turns the tables on them, essentially saying that Moses allowed divorce because their hearts are hard. (“Because of your hardness of heart he wrote you this commandment.”) Jesus is saying that the problem here is you. You are trying to test me and trap me and put me in the wrong. But you are in the wrong here. The Law had to make legal allowance for your sinful heart issues.
Now watch what Jesus does. This is masterful. They are debating the Law to ask whether God allowed divorce. Jesus says, “Wrong place to start.” You are locating the debate today with two Rabbis. They are debating about a passage in Deuteronomy. You should go all the way back … back to the beginning. If you want to see God’s design, then go back to the beginning, back before the Fall, long before there was hardness of heart. That is where you will see God’s true design for marriage.
“But from the beginning of creation, ‘God made them male and female.’ ‘Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.’ So they are no longer two but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let not man separate.”—Mark 10:6–9
Don’t just look at what Moses allowed; look at what God designed. I am not going to directly answer your trick question about divorce because you are really demonstrating that you can’t understand what divorce is until you understand what marriage is.
Marriage is something that God made. He made them male and female. He also made marriage. The man leaves his family and makes a new one. He does not send her away—he holds fast to her. They don’t split into two; they join into one. They are no longer two but one flesh. God did this. God designed this. If God joined it, then man should not separate it. If God did it, man should not undo it. He didn’t side with Shammai or Hillel in some intermural rabbinic debate, he went right to God’s design.
Do you see Jesus’ point? It will be easier to see his point in this passage when we observe that it is essentially the same point Jesus is making in his teaching at the end of chapter nine. The link between the two texts is best seen in the phrase: “Send her away.” They are basically asking Jesus what he thinks about a husband sending a wife away.
Jesus has just warned the disciples about the severe punishment that would come upon people who crush the fragile faith of a weak believer by rejecting them or shunning them. The problem with the disciples is that they are not receiving people in Jesus’ name. And those are strangers that they have not met. How much heinous would that be if it was not a stranger, but your wife?! Sending her away in divorce is the ultimate form of rejecting and shunning.
And in the house the disciples asked him again about this matter. (v. 10)
We have seen this pattern several times in the Gospel of Mark. In public debates the Pharisees ask questions to trap Jesus. When alone with the disciples, they ask Jesus no questions with a false pretense that hide a test or a trap. The disciples are asking honest questions because they want to learn. They are taking the posture of learners. They are asking a prized teacher a question; they are not hunters trying to trap their prey with a hidden snare.
Jesus doesn’t ask them a question and try to turn it back on them. He just answers in a straightforward way.
And he said to them, “Whoever divorces his wife and marries another commits adultery against her, and if she divorces her husband and marries another, she commits adultery.” (vv. 11–12)
This is how seriously Jesus took wrongful divorce and remarriage. He called it “adultery.” He did not defend a culture of “no-fault divorce.” He said that God’s gavel comes down and declares the verdict of adultery. Why call it “adultery?”
The charge only makes sense against the backdrop of what marriage is. What is adultery? Adultery is when you join yourself sexually to someone who is not your spouse. In other words, you are uniting yourself to someone other than your spouse. If marriage is God’s act of making the two one (a union he makes), divorce is undoing that union and remarriage is making another union other than the one God made. Separating a husband and wife (divorce) and being joined to another (remarriage) is an act of adultery.
Jesus presents divorce and remarriage here as an act of rebellion against God. It is the act of undoing a union that God made and then making a different union that God did not make. That is the main point: Don’t tear apart what God has joined and don’t join together what God has kept separate. Divorce tears down what God has made and builds something in its place that God did not make.
The “No-Fault” divorce culture in which we live is at odds with the biblical picture of marriage. I am sure that I have not heard all the reasons that people give for divorce. Next week you will hear me say that a majority of the elders think that there can be genuine, legitimate biblical grounds for divorce. Every elder would reject the idea that people can divorce for any reason that is right in their own eyes. Jim Newheiser cites nine commonly used reasons for divorce that are unbiblical.[1] We have time here to reflect biblically on five of them.
Let’s take them one at a time and consider how they fall short of biblical truth.
1. My spouse disappoints me.
This rationale covers a wide spectrum of disappointment financially, physically, or relationally. Here is Newheiser’s response.
When you were married, you promised to remain faithful to this person even if he or she were to change in ways you wouldn’t like. There is no denying that some marriages are very hard. Many believers remain married–not because they think that they are getting a great deal, but because they seek to honor God and trust that his way is best (Proverbs 3:5–6). To graciously love and serve a spouse who is hard to love gives one the opportunity to reflect the love Christ has shown to undeserving sinners like us (Romans 5:8). The reward for such a faithful spouse may not come in this life, but in the life to come (Matthew 25:23).[2]
2. We are no longer in love.
This argument comes from category confusion. Biblical love cannot be reduced to romantic feelings; it is deliberate commitment to work for the good of another. Jim Newheiser responds wisely:
You can choose to love another person by acting in the best interests of and praying for him or her. If you can’t feel romantic love or even love of friendship, remember that Jesus calls you to ‘love your enemies’ (Matthew 5:44). As you begin to love your spouse out of love for and obedience to Christ, God can help you to love your spouse from the heart–even romantically.[3]
3. I married ‘too young’ or I married ‘the wrong person.’
This objection springs from regret. People may look back and realize that their choice to get married was unwise because they got married at the wrong time or they married the “wrong person.” Perhaps they see now that they were not ready or they now realize that the person they married does not fulfill the profile of a godly spouse in Scripture. They may even think they are missing out on being with their “soul mate.” Jim Newheiser’s response is excellent.
[I]t is appropriate to confess to God any sin committed by marrying sinfully or unwisely (1 John 1:8–9). But don’t compound that sin with more sin. Now that you are married, it is God’s will that you do everything within your power to make your marriage work. There is no biblical basis for saying that by marrying your spouse, you missed out on your “soul mate” or the “right one” God intended for you. Such thinking is worldly mysticism with no scriptural foundation. The one you have is God’s plan for you. Trust God that he will work even your unwise or sinful choice for your good and his glory (Romans 8:28).[4]
4. ‘I owe it to myself to be happy’ or ‘God would not want me to be unhappy.’
This response has a kernel of truth to it. We are Christian hedonists. We are not indifferent to this desire “to be happy.” We passionately believe that “God is most glorified in us when we are most satisfied in him.” It is impossible to honor God while being indifferent to finding our joy in him. But this pursuit is bigger and richer and deeper than the way the world talks about happiness.
A God-centered pursuit of happiness will look different than a man-centered, worldly-minded quest for happiness. Jim Newheiser reminds us that the answer to the first question of the Westminster Shorter Catechism, “What is the chief end of man?” is not “to be happy.” The answer is that “man’s chief end is to glorify God and enjoy Him forever.”
Just as our Lord Jesus glorified God through his suffering, sometimes we will be called to follow in his steps as we suffer to the glory of God (1 Peter 2:21). Some will suffer persecution at the hands of hostile human government. Some may suffer within hard marriages. Some marriages may be difficult because a spouse is incapacitated in such a way physically or mentally that one receives few or none of the benefits of marriage, such as companionship, provision, and physical affection. Yet there is no options to seek these benefits elsewhere because the marriage covenant is still in force. Others may suffer in marriages because their spouses are selfish and immature. They don’t share the joy that they see others experiencing in marriage.[5]
5. God will forgive me.
Newheiser has heard this response on multiple occasions. He declares that some Christians have an attitude that says, “I know it is wrong to divorce my spouse and that I don’t have biblical grounds, but I know that Jesus’ blood will cover my sin, and life will go on.”[6]
This approach is unbiblical because the Bible teaches us not to presume upon God’s grace and put the Lord to the test. The apostle Paul spoke against continuing in sin because grace is greater (Romans 6:1–2). Jesus did not die so that we could cavalierly go on sinning and presume upon forgiveness. Adopting this mentality puts one’s soul in severe and solemn danger.
Conclusion: Go Even Farther Back
Don’t believe the lie that you will be happier by defying God’s commands. Undoing something that God has done and making another one in its place is something that directly challenges both God’s wisdom and sovereignty. Don’t think that you can defy God and win.
But the biblical writers did not just go back to Genesis to see God’s design—there is a way to go even farther back. Paul shows us how.
In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church, because we are members of his body. “Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.” This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church.—Ephesians 5:28–32
Paul said that Genesis 2:24 unveils a mystery. Behind that text and the physical union between man and wife there is a deeper union—a mystical union that exists between Christ and his bride, the church. We are members of his body. We are joined to him.
God did not wake up one day and decide to send his Son to save sinners and then say, “How can I communicate my Son’s commitment to his people?” He didn’t look around at what was already in the world and say, “They have this thing called marriage among them and it is very popular. I think I will use that analogy.”
God planned to save sinners through the sacrifice of Christ long before the creation of Adam and Eve—Jesus is the Lamb slain before the foundation of the world. Jesus Christ gives marriage its ultimate meaning. Marriage is the design of God and the act of God making two people into a one-flesh union. Not two separate people, but now two halves of one. They are not separate so they should not separate and undo what God has done. In that way, marriage serves the purpose of putting on display the greater marriage union between the Lord Jesus Christ and his church. This means that earthly marriage is the symbol and heavenly marriage is the reality. This truth has many implications for people today.
Single people: Therefore, single people do not have to feel like second-class citizens. I hear some people say that even though the Bible says that singleness can be a gift, people in the church pity me if I am single and think of singleness as a curse.
We don’t believe singleness is a curse at Bethlehem. Singleness is a blazing billboard for the sufficiency of Christ because single people skip the symbol and go straight to the reality.
Those who are cynical about marriage: Many have seen the earthly symbol of marriage fail and assume that all marriages will fail. Marriage is a gift and if God wants to give it to you, then do not reject it out of fear of failure. I can remember the moment when I felt like closing my heart to marriage because it might fail. I recall fighting that feeling and realizing that it was a lie—if I closed my heart, I was not keeping it safe. I would lock it away in a coffin and it would die. I am here to testify that marriage is a gift. So many times I have thought that I could not love my wife any more than I do, and then I look back and realize my love has grown even more. Don’t reject the gift of God because of fear of man.
Persevering in Marriage: The fact that Jesus gives marriage its ultimate meaning means you don’t have to try to do it in your own strength. You don’t have to try to use your spouse to fill some void in your life like an idol. You already have a heavenly Bridegroom pouring out perfect love into you every day. You need to take the love you are receiving and become a prism of love to your spouse. Receive the love of your heavenly Spouse and reflect it back to your earthly spouse.
Have you ever had something so good that you wished it would never end? Maybe the meal was so good that you thought to yourself—I wish there was more—I wish it would not run out. Maybe it was an experience or a vacation that was so fun and meaningful that you could not stand to see it end. The truth is that the steadfast love of our Lord is better than life and it never comes to an end. It will only get better throughout all eternity—everlasting, ever-increasing joy. Those who know Jesus and the heavenly reality of marriage all say, “Maranatha, come quickly, Lord Jesus!”
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[1] See the excellent discussion entitled “Invalid Grounds for Divorce” in Marriage Divorce and Remarriage: Critical Questions and Answers, by Jim Newheiser (Phillipsburg: P & R Publishing, 2017), pp. 166–171.
[2] Ibid.
[3] Ibid., p. 168.
[4] Ibid.
[5] Ibid., p. 169.
[6] Ibid., p. 170.
Outline
Main Point: Don’t tear apart what God has joined, and don’t join together what God has kept separate.
Discussion Questions
Application Questions
Prayer Focus
Pray for a grace to receive Jesus’ passion for God’s design in marriage and the gravity of the sanctity of marriage.