And calling the crowd to him with his disciples, he said to them, “If anyone would come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross and follow me. For whoever would save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for my sake and the gospel’s will save it. For what does it profit a man to gain the whole world and forfeit his soul? For what can a man give in return for his soul? For whoever is ashamed of me and of my words in this adulterous and sinful generation, of him will the Son of Man also be ashamed when he comes in the glory of his Father with the holy angels.”—Mark 8:34–38

Introduction

I want to take you back in time to a moment of discovery about two months ago. I was preparing for a meeting with our campus pastors. We felt like there were so many issues we were facing at Bethlehem that were converging together, and we wanted to make sure that we could plot out a timeline for how we were going to address them. I started listing them: (1) ethnic harmony, (2) spiritual gifts, (3) gender complementarity—a fancy term for how men and women relate to each other, (4) domestic abuse, (5) divorce and remarriage … and oh yeah, that little thing called 25 x ’25.

Then it dawned on me. It felt a little bit like getting struck by a bolt of lightning out of the blue, as they say. The first three initiatives of 25 x ’25 have been fairly easy to define: (1) 25 churches planted, (2) 25 unengaged peoples reached, (3) the construction of the South Campus building. But initiative #4—strengthening the core—had always felt a little harder to define exactly what it meant. We had some clarity around making the core of Bethlehem stronger—a strong core means you can reach and stretch further out. If our outreach was going to be strong, then our core had to be even stronger. But what things needed to be strengthened? We talked about it as our 14 priorities getting stronger. But that can still feel a bit abstract. We could zero in more on making our small groups stronger. 

But then it hit me. God is showing us what strengthening the core means. These were not five separate issues in addition to 25 x ’25. These five issues are what strengthening the core is all about. And these are not issues in which we are moving away from any of our doctrinal positions in the Bethlehem Elder Affirmation of Faith. We are not moving further away, but going further into our doctrine. We have orthodoxy (right doctrine) and orthopraxy (right practice—living out that doctrine). We believe that the Lord is taking us deeper in living out these doctrines that we have always taught but have not always applied in depth and detail. We have had a doctrinal statement of faith (a high-level overview of what we believe) for quite some time (the Elder Affirmation of Faith), and what we need is a more fully fleshed out practice of faith for these five areas.

One of the exciting moments of discovery regarding these five areas was when we noticed that all five have a common denominator: They all apply to those who are often marginalized—those who are often unseen, forgotten, or unnoticed. They are people who are often regarded as outsiders, those who operate on the margins away from the experience of the majority.

Then it made sense to me as the Lord brought alignment between what has been happening in the Gospel of Mark and what has been happening at our church. Jesus is always going to the outcasts or to the outsiders in the Gospel of Mark. He goes to a man of the Gerasenes who is possessed by a legion of demons and makes him a disciple. He heals a leper—someone that no one would touch—a person who had to yell “unclean” whenever someone got within a certain distance of him. He will not let an unclean woman with a flow of blood receive an anonymous healing because she needs more than healing—she needs a family. And he stops on his way to reach into death and rescue Jairus’ daughter in order to call this woman his daughter. He performs sign language with the man who is deaf and mute and his sighs deeply, identifying with his pain before healing him.

Jesus is doing the same thing for us at Bethlehem. He is pursuing the outcasts, those on the margins. He is making us a place where every gender can flourish, every ethnicity can flourish, married or unmarried, those with power and influence and those without power and influence, rich or poor, young or old, all are one in Christ and can find a place to truly belong and flourish in the household of God.

You may be wondering what all of that has to do with today’s sermon. I want to tell you about how the Lord interrupted this sermon series. I had planned today to move on to the Transfiguration—I was so excited. But the Lord would not let me. He led me to do one more week on Jesus’ call to discipleship in Mark 8:34–38, with a focus on one main area of application. The call to deny ourselves, take up our cross, and follow Jesus is what defines every disciple. It is also a definition that we need in our day in order to address one other marginalized group that the Lord brought inescapably to my mind: believers who struggle with same-sex attraction.

Prayer and Recap

Main Point: Jesus is a King, but He is a King who carries a cross. If we follow him, we must carry a cross too.

We are talking about the cost of discipleship. Jesus says that to be one of his followers, a person must do three things: (1) say “no” to themselves [deny himself], (2) say “yes” to their death [take up his cross], and (3) follow Jesus.

We saw these things last time. What does all of this have to do with same-sex attraction? Same-sex attraction would be feelings of sexual desire for people of the same sex. I have talked with some of you about these things, but I am going to use someone else’s story to try to make this issue seem less abstract and more personal.

Sam Allberry is an evangelical Christian from the UK. He is (in my opinion) the greatest apologist and evangelist today on these issues. He is an evangelist with Ravi Zacharias ministries. He goes to college campuses and speaks on these issues and shares the gospel in a remarkably wise and winsome way. And he has a British accent so it all sounds cooler when he says it. He is able to speak with disarming authenticity about these issues because he struggles with same-sex attraction.

He came to this realization in grade school. He talks about having a close friend. One day his friend (a boy) told him that he was attracted to a girl in their class. Sam Allberry found that he was suddenly mad about that. Why? Was he jealous—did he like that girl too? No, as he searched his deep-seated feelings and desires he realized that he was not jealous because he liked the same girl, he was jealous because he liked his friend and wanted his friend to like him that way as well. This was a startling, unwanted discovery. 

Here is what the world would say to a young Sam Allberry in that moment of discovery. You were born with that—don’t be embarrassed about it. Embrace it. You have discovered who you are. Your heart has an attraction to other boys—be true to yourself and follow your heart.

Now in the recent past, the church would contradict this claim that people can be born with these desires. The church (by and large) would have said that it is a decision, not something you are born with: “You decided to be that way. Repent and decide not to be that way.” 

Respected evangelical theologian Albert Mohler says that we owe the homosexual community an apology at just this point. We failed to believe them when they said they were born with their same-sex attraction because we did not have a robust enough view of the distorting effects of the Fall. Some were indeed born with those desires. They didn’t suddenly decide someday to feel that way—many times these were unwanted desires. There was considerable social shame, and so they would not talk about them or try to hide them.

But wait a minute. Did we just give away everything with that admission? The message of many people is that God made me this way so he must be ok with me. That is the message Sam Allberry heard. His desires didn’t change. Was the argument true? Because God made him that way, it was ok to live that way? Allberry responds, “Desires for things God has forbidden are a reflection of how sin has distorted me, not how God has made me” (Is God Anti-Gay? p. 32). 

Romans 1 and Psalm 51 are so clear that we are born fallen (“in sin my mother conceived me”). So it is not surprising that we would have distorted desires. But that raises the fundamental question: at conversion, will God change those distorted desires? He does that with some people. But others get converted and they find that they still have same sex attraction—like Sam Allberry (and some of you). Now what?

Now we come to the place where our text speaks with great clarity and authority. The world’s opinion is clear: “You were born that way—be true to yourself and follow your heart.” False teachers in the church try to Christianize that message: Jesus made you that way so he wants you to be true to yourself and follow your heart.

The biblical Jesus does not say “be true to yourself.” He says “deny yourself.” He doesn’t say “follow your heart,” he says, “follow me.” Sin has distorted you so you will have to deny yourself these deep-seated same-sex desires in order to follow me. If you don’t deny yourself, you can’t follow me—you will deny me.

Because of the cultural moment we occupy right now, it’s vitally important to have clear in our heads and hearts. In the past, many people regarded Christianity as backward and old fashioned (somewhat irrelevant). Now people regard Christianity not as irrelevant but as dangerous. The attitude of the general public to the church is quite distinctly different than in the cultural landscape of previous generations. There was a time when people who notoriously rejected the sexual morals of the Bible were regarded as not good for society. Even if someone rejected the moral code of the church, one still thought the church was good for society. That has changed. Now many think the church is a threat to the good of society. The church promotes oppression and bigotry and hate speech—simply by telling people like those living a homosexual lifestyle that they are wrong.

Some professing Christians have distanced themselves from classic Christian teaching. They say that someone can actively live out their homosexual desires in a committed relationship (or marriage), and that is pleasing to God. You don’t have to choose between a homosexual marriage and Jesus. You can have both. 

One of my friends at Wheaton College said that some of his students are being actively recruited by a group of Christians who are sharing this message around the country. They said that they didn’t agree with all the details of the message, but the sense of community there was powerful and attractive. They wanted to say, “Here are our people. They are like us.”

But that is a failure on the part of the church community. It is on us if they feel like outcasts among us—like they are freaks. No, no, no. We are not representing Jesus rightly at that point. He is not saying that to them. The world thinks all of us are freaks for following Jesus and talking about self-denial. Followers of Jesus with same-sex attraction are in the same discipleship boat as every other follower of Jesus. We all must deny ourselves our sinful desires that would keep us from following Jesus.

Do we divide the Christian community according to our specific struggles? We can’t be part of the same family because you struggle with anger, and you struggle with anxiety, and you struggle with greed, and you struggle with same- sex lust, and you struggle with heterosexual lust … we all struggle! It is not the specific struggle that unites us—it is Savior who unites us. What we have in common is that we all struggle and we all have to deny ourselves because we have found Someone greater than sexual fulfillment or financial fulfillment or any other kind of fulfillment. Fullness of joy and pleasures forevermore are found only in Christ.

This means that we should be able to share our struggles in small group and talk about what self-denial means for each of us in order to follow Jesus. We should have gospel safety in being able to share about struggles because we have such a big view of the gospel—we don’t need to justify ourselves in the eyes of others if we are already justified in Christ.

I also call you, Bethlehem, away from homophobia. Some people would never say it out loud, but many secretly wonder how we can ever reach homosexuals. Allberry says that God is not looking down from heaven saying, “the gospel message worked for other types of sinners, but clearly this type of sin is different and needs a different gospel.” There is no need for another gospel. The gospel is like a caged lion, it doesn’t need to be defended, just let it out of the cage. We need people who are willing to share and take the long view (e.g., Rosario Butterfiel—outreach to her lasted several years before she came to Christ).

Let me speak to our youth for a moment. I recognize that the cultural winds are strong on this issue. Perhaps you are biblically convinced that marriage is between one man and one woman, but you struggle to be emotionally convinced. That is, you wonder if the message of singleness and celibacy and self-denial to those with same sex attraction is good and beautiful. Maybe you are somewhat embarrassed or apologetic about that truth.

Allberry says that Jesus speaks very clearly about this. He taught that marriage is between a man and a woman. The only alternative is singleness and celibacy. If people reject our sexual ethics, then they are rejecting Jesus, not us, not our churches. Here is why the message of self-denial is good and beautiful. Self-denial is not self-pity. Not a hint. One can follow same-sex attractions or follow Jesus. What can a life of sexual pursuit give me that Jesus can’t? He died and rose again for me!

For whoever would save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for my sake and the gospel’s will save it. For what does it profit a man to gain the whole world and forfeit his soul? For what can a man give in return for his soul?—Mark 8:35–37

Application: The Cost of Discipleship and the Gift of Marriage: ‘For My Sake’

For whoever would save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for my sake and the gospel’s will save it.—Mark 8:35

Let’s say that following Jesus means denying same-sex desires and never getting married. That may be true at a temporary, earthly level, but not at an eternal, heavenly level. You are denying yourself for the sake of a far greater marriage. The Bible begins and ends with a wedding. It begins with a wedding between Adam and Eve (with God joining them together), but that was like a movie trailer for the feature presentation—what Paul called a great mystery—the mystical union between Christ and his Bride, the Church.

Why did God create the world? We know the answer: For his own glory. Yes, and how will his glory be both seen and enjoyed? How does God’s purpose to be glorified and our longing to be satisfied come together into one glorious unity? Listen to Jonathan Edwards:

The creation of the world seems to have been especially for this end that the eternal Son of God might obtain a spouse, toward whom he might fully exercise the infinite benevolence of his nature and to whom he might as it were open and pour forth all that immense fountain of condescension, love, and grace that was in his heart. And that in this way, God might be glorified. 

If you are married, you get to be a picture of the beautiful marriage that exists between Christ and his Bride. If you are single you are a blazing billboard for the sufficiency of Christ. You can find fulfillment in the eternal marriage and skip the earthly symbol.

Haven’t you seen this in Mark’s Gospel? When Jesus sees a man possessed with a legion of demons and who no one loves—they just try to chain him—Jesus says, “I have love to pour out on you.” When he sees a woman with a flow of blood who is hiding in the shadows, regarded as unclean and rejected by society, he will not let her have an anonymous healing. He calls her up front and center to call her “daughter” and tell the crowd who has shunned her and does not love her that he does. 

He essentially says, “I have love to pour out on you, daughter.” He tries to get away from the crowds after they have been pressing in all day, but they run ahead of him and he sees them and he aches with compassion for them and says, “I have love to pour out on you.” He sees a man who is mute and deaf, and he does sign language and sighs in deep identification with his pain, and he heals him and says, “I have love to pour out on you.” See him on the cross, forsaken, and the Father pours out wrath upon him in our place. Why? So he doesn’t have to pour out wrath on us, but can pour out his love on us 

He gives us himself. Himself. Yes, he calls us deny any rebel desire that would rule over us. Why? For his sake! So he can rule over us with eternal, never-ending, life-changing love. If we come to him for forgiveness, he will receive us. To deny us forgiveness when we come to him would be denying himself. “If we are faithless, he remains faithful, for he cannot deny himself” (2 Timothy 2:13).

I tell you, if he were to shut you out, dear soul, whoever you may be, if you go to him, he would deny himself. He never did deny himself yet. Whenever a sinner comes to him, he becomes his Savior…. He will be more glad to receive you than you will be to be received. … I tell you again that he cannot reject you. That would be to alter his whole character and un-Christ himself. To spurn a coming sinner would un-Jesus him and make him to be somebody else and not himself any longer. “He cannot deny himself.” Go and try him; go and try him.—C.H. Spurgeon, Treasury of the New Testament

Conclusion: The End of Self-Denial

Look again at the where history is heading. The Son of Man will come on the clouds of heaven. He is coming with the glory of his Father. What will he do? He will restore us and remove all sin. Joni Erickson Tada was in a diving accident and is a parapalegic. Everyone assumes that she is most excited to run in heaven. She says, “That will be great, but what I am longing for most is a heart free from sin.”

Can you imagine what life in the new heavens and new earth will be like. Imagine not having to repent for any sin. There will be no need to deny ourselves (say no) because our every desire will be for Christ. Can you imagine? We will no longer be strangers to our own hearts. Our motives are so mixed right now.

I have thought to myself: Did you talk about what the Lord is doing at Bethlehem with that other pastor because you just wanted Jesus to be glorified or did you want to also look good in that other person’s eyes? Why did you do that? Why did you say that? I hate how mixed our motives are sometimes. Imagine with me endless ages to come when every day people could ask us, “Why did you do that or say that?”

“Because I love God with all of my heart, soul, mind, and strength. Why does anyone do anything?”

That is why we will do everything we do. All that we think, all that we say, all that we desire. Whoa!

This day is not that day. This day we sing,

Where sin runs deep, your grace is more
Where grace is found is where you are.
Where you are, Lord, I am free
Holiness is Christ in me. 

Lord I need you, oh, I need you!
Every hour I need you
My one defense, my righteousness
Oh God, how I need you

So teach my song to rise to you
When temptations come my way
When I cannot stand I fall on you
Jesus you’re my hope and stay

Lord, I need you.

That is the unified cry of the struggling church!

Sermon Discussion Questions

Main Point: Jesus is a King, but he is a King who carries a cross. If we follow him, we must carry a cross too.

Application Point: The biblical Jesus does not say “be true to yourself;” he says “deny yourself.” He doesn’t say “follow your heart;” he says, “follow me.” If you experience same-sex attraction, Jesus’ words imply that sin has distorted your desires so that you will have to deny yourself these deep-seated same-sex desires in order to follow him. If you don’t deny yourself, you can’t follow Jesus—you will deny him.

Discussion Questions

• How does the definition of discipleship in Mark 8:34–38 speak to same-sex attraction?
• How should we respond to people who say they were born with these desires and did not “choose” them?

Application Questions

• How can our church community as a whole better reflect the call to discipleship and the loving acceptance of those who follow Christ and have to deny the distorted desires of same-sex attraction?
• What are two or three practical steps you can take personally to help Bethlehem be a place where all disciples of Christ can flourish as family.

Prayer Focus
Pray for a grace to embrace the cost of discipleship and glorify God for the church’s gift of eternal marriage to Christ.