For I made up my mind not to make another painful visit to you. For if I cause you pain, who is there to make me glad but the one whom I have pained? And I wrote as I did, so that when I came I might not suffer pain from those who should have made me rejoice, for I felt sure of all of you, that my joy would be the joy of you all. For I wrote to you out of much affliction and anguish of heart and with many tears, not to cause you pain but to let you know the abundant love that I have for you.—2 Corinthians 2:1-4

Introduction

Union and Communion With Christ

I want to begin by commending a book and a crucial distinction that it makes. The book is John Owen’s book, Communion With God. It was originally published in 1657. It has been republished in a number of different formats. It has been one of the most influential books in my life. I can summarize it in a two-word nutshell as a “worship manual.” It taught me how to have a distinct relationship with each member of the Trinity. They each do a distinct work and each should receive a distinct praise and boast.

Now for the crucial distinction the book makes. There is a vital difference between union with God and communion with God. It was something I knew before, but I remember it really hitting home on a deep level after reading that book. 

Union with God is a sovereign work of God. It is never in flux. It cannot be broken. Once we are joined to Christ through the gift of regeneration and faith, no one can snatch us out of the Father’s hand. The believer is an eternal recipient of an unbreakable chain of God’s grace—foreknown, predestined, called, justified, glorified. He binds us to himself with chains that cannot be broken. Paul said last week that he was not a Lord over their faith—they stand firm by faith.

Communion with the three persons of the Trinity is different. It is a responsive relationship—it has ups and downs—it is a real relationship and it is never robotic. For example, Scripture teaches that we can quench or even grieve the Holy Spirit. The ups and downs of this relationship are not owing to any sin on God’s part of the relationship. He never fails us. He does not turn away from us even for a second. God does respond to our choices. For example, He may discipline us, but it is always done in love.

Crossway reprinted the book and added an introduction, outline, and glossary. Kelly Kapic does an excellent job of capturing the difference between union and communion (Communion with the Triune God, p. 21):

While union with Christ is something that does not ebb and flow, one’s experience of communion with Christ can fluctuate. This is an important theological and experiential distinction, for it protects the biblical truth that we are saved by radical and free divine grace. Furthermore, this distinction also protects the biblical truth that the children of God have a relationship with their Lord, and that there are things they can do that either help or hinder it. When a believer grows comfortable with sin (whether sins of commission or sins of omission) this invariably affects the level of intimacy this person feels with God. It is not that the Father’s love grows and diminishes for his children in accordance with their actions, for his love is unflinching. It is not that God turns from us, but that we run from him. Sin tends to isolate the believer, making him feel distant from God. Then come the accusations—both from Satan and self—which can make the believer worry that he is under God’s wrath. In truth, however, saints stand not under wrath but in the safe shadow of the cross.

Last Week: Paul Works for Their Joy

Last week, we saw that Paul’s no trespassing sign was placed in the sphere of union with God in Christ by faith. He had no control in that sphere. Christ is the perfect mediator who offers a perfect redemption. Paul proclaims that—he does not control it. Paul labors in the sphere of communion with God. They should be experiencing joy. His work among the Corinthians is an attempt at what David prayed for in Psalm 51—“restore to me the joy of my salvation.” But he wants God to restore to them the joy of their salvation. He wants to see Nehemiah 8:10 become a reality: “the joy of the Lord is your strength.”

Therefore, we said that the aim of all Christian ministry is to come alongside people and work with them for their joy. Christian hedonism, the pursuit to be satisfied with all that God is for us in Jesus, is the goal of all Christian ministry. But this week Paul shows us that the quest for joy is not an individual pursuit. Pastor John once said that eternal security is a community project. This week I believe that Paul is saying that the search for joy is a community project. Communion with God is a community project.

This Week: The Community Project of Christian Hedonism

The text this weekempasizes what I call the paradox of joy and pain. Paul highlights that the path of joy is not the absence of all pain. Sometimes the path of joy passes over the bumpy road of pain. When we are jarred and shaken by that bumpy road, it can be confusing. We can start wondering if we made a wrong turn and somehow left the path of joy. But Paul stresses that the path of joy will include a certain kind of pain.

The structure of the text can be depicted as follows. Paul puts three parts of himself on display from top to bottom. He begins with his will or his choices (v. 1, 3a). Beneath his will, he lets the Corinthians see his mind or his thinking (vv. 2–3). Then verse four goes even deeper as he puts his heart on display (v. 4). I have labeled these points as (1) Paul’s resolve, (2) Paul’s rationale, and (3) Paul’s reservoir of love. Let’s look at them one at a time.

Paul’s Resolve—Spare them Pain (v. 1, 3a)

For I made up my mind not to make another painful visit to you. … And I wrote as I did.

The point of this verse is to let the Corinthians see Paul’s resolve. The word he uses here is the word for “judgment.” He wants his determined choice to on display. We see Paul’s will. He says I steadfastly resolved that I would not come under the current circumstances because I knew what would happen: pain would happen again and it would not be good pain. I would have to exercise my authority as an apostle to discipline you and we would have had the pain of discipline, which may have led to the pain of separation.

There is a difficult, yet important thing we need to do when we read a letter like this and it is called “mirror reading.” We do not know everything that transpired in that first painful visit and we have to try to collect some pieces of evidence from the Corinthian letters. Some people like to go hog wild with a maximal reconstruction. I do not feel as confident as some do in maximal reconstruction. I tend to be a little more cautious in reconstructing the situation. I will try to do a more minimal reconstruction.

1 Corinthians mentions that there were “some” who were claiming that he was not coming back to Corinth (1 Corinthians 4:18). Paul made a surprise visit, which he describes as a painful visit. 2 Corinthians 13 seems to speak of this visit.

This is the third time I am coming to you. Every charge must be established by the evidence of two or three witnesses. I warned those who sinned before and all the others, and I warn them now while absent, as I did when present on my second visit, that if I come again I will not spare them—since you seek proof that Christ is speaking in me. He is not weak in dealing with you, but is powerful among you.—2 Corinthians 13:1–3

It seems that someone challenged Paul and questioned his authority as an apostle—even going so far as to doubt that Christ was speaking through Paul. That is why they demanded proof. Paul went back to Ephesus and abandoned his plan to visit the Macedonian churches and then visit Corinth again in order to go on from them to Jerusalem to deliver the offering. In other words, the first visit went so poorly that he abandoned the idea of another visit and decided to send them a letter instead. We will see next week how Paul called for them to discipline the individual that caused him significant pain. I will comment on the letter and their response to it a little more under point three. Now in the flow of the text Paul takes us to point two and a display of his thinking. In point one, Paul displayed his resolve, in point two, he puts his rationale on display for them to see.

Paul’s Rationale—Shared Joy in Jesus (v. 2, 3b–c)

For if I cause you pain, who is there to make me glad but the one whom I have pained? ... And I wrote as I did, so that when I came I might not suffer pain from those who should have made me rejoice, for I felt sure of all of you, that my joy would be the joy of you all.

The point of this verse is to let the Corinthians see Paul’s rationale. He wants his mind or his thinking to be on display. If he disciplines them with the rod, their relationship will be defined by discipline. And under the pain of discipline, they will suffer the pain of distance and separation. He says, “I don’t want the ice in the air. Close in proximity on the outside, miles apart on the inside. That is so painful. It sucks the joy right out of you.”

Here is his point. There is a kind of pain that will kill joy. Paul is committed to their joy AND his joy—that is, their mutual joy together. That commitment led him to make his resolve to write to them instead of visit them so that he could work for the cause of joy. Paul goes one step deeper in verse four and puts his heart on display. Point one shows the Corinthians his resolve or his will. Point two shows the Corinthians Paul’s mind or rationale. Point three shows the Corinthians his heart, the reservoir of love that he has for them.

Paul’s Reservoir of Love (v. 4)

For I wrote to you out of much affliction and anguish of heart and with many tears, not to cause you pain but to let you know the abundant love that I have for you.

The point of this verse is to let the Corinthians see Paul’s reservoir of love for them. He wants his heart or his feelings to be on display. He wrote a painful letter. It was painful for him to write and it was painful for them to read. But it was all done in love. It was not vindictive or punitive. It was not “you hurt me so I am going to hurt you.” It was “abundant love” that led to writing with “much affliction,” “anguish of heart,” and “many tears.”

The Joy and Pain Paradox

This verse helps us see what I call the joy and pain paradox. The pursuit of joy does not seek to avoid all pain. We must distinguish between two types of pain if we are going to be serious about Christian hedonism as a community project. There are two kinds of pain—good pain and bad pain. Good pain is pain that comes from good motives (love) and sometimes does good. Bad pain is pain that comes from nothing good and usually does nothing good. Both hurt, but the motive is what matters. There is pain that is a precursor to healing in which we say “ouch, something hard happened, but it is good because there is hope that it will bring healing.” Bad pain is a precursor to a deeper, more lasting hurt in which we say, “ouch something bad just happened and the pain is going to get worse.”

This then is the paradox—pain is sometimes the pathway to joy. Sometimes we must choose pain to get to joy. The best commentary on this paradox is in 2 Corinthians:

For even if I made you grieve with my letter, I do not regret it—though I did regret it, for I see that that letter grieved you, though only for a while. As it is, I rejoice, not because you were grieved, but because you were grieved into repenting. For you felt a godly grief, so that you suffered no loss through us. For godly grief produces a repentance that leads to salvation without regret, whereas worldly grief produces death. For see what earnestness this godly grief has produced in you, but also what eagerness to clear yourselves, what indignation, what fear, what longing, what zeal, what punishment! At every point you have proved yourselves innocent in the matter. So although I wrote to you, it was not for the sake of the one who did the wrong, nor for the sake of the one who suffered the wrong, but in order that your earnestness for us might be revealed to you in the sight of God. Therefore we are comforted.—2 Corinthians 7:8–13 

Applying Paul’s Pain Paradigm

Paul’s distinction between these two types of pain needs to be applied in our body life together. Let us consider two applications and then think through how these points also apply to our celebration of the Lord’s Supper.

Application 1
Christian Hedonism as a Community Project Means a Commitment to Maintain Life-Giving Relationships in the Body

The scariest thing that could happen to a relationship is to reach the point where you do not enjoy the relationship. Relationships that you do not enjoy will erode. You will simply not invest in relationships that such the life out of you. Life-giving relationships are sometimes life-taking to get them back to the point where they can be life-giving again. You reach the point where you want to say, “I am done with you.”

In the body of Christ, we can never claim that we have irreconcilable differences. We cannot say to another Christian, “I am done with you.” The word only shows up once in the New Testament: 2 Timothy 3:3. It is what is true of non-Christians—they are irreconcilable. The word literally means that there is no offering or no altar. Christians believe that there is an altar; there is a sacrifice. Therefore, we believe that all differences will be resolved between brothers and sisters in Christ in heaven. Because they will be resolved there, we have hope that they can be resolved here. As much as it depends upon us, we should try to be at peace because of our belief in the gospel. This belief means that we should commit to having hard conversations. How else can we keep short accounts if we shy away from hard conversations? How can you do that?

Some of you may remember that I pleaded with the church back in my first sermon as Associate Pastor for Preaching & Vision (September 1, 2012) that we should have a culture of rebuke. I want to re-affirm what I was calling for back on September 1. The code phrase can be: “Can I make an observation?” Maybe better would be “would you like to hear an observation from someone who loves you?” That phrase becomes a code word to give someone an open door to speak about something they see that we may not.

But look at how important the ground rules are. First, the one making the observation needs to guard against domineering or lording it over someone’s faith. Knock on the door of their life and ask if you can come in with your observation, but do not bulldoze the door down. The Lord Jesus controls their destiny, not you. Second, remember what makes someone willing to open the door of their life to you. We must make sure that the trust factor is high, the targets are big, and the eye logs are out. The trust factor has to be high here and must develop overtime. This is sensitive work—you are not going to trust a surgeon’s knife to random people that you do not know. You entrust a surgeon’s knife to a surgeon. Accountability can flourish only with high levels of trust in the family of faith. Third, once the person lets you into their life, beware of pretending to see or know motives. Only God knows the heart. We do not know our own hearts very well, let alone the hearts of others. Tell people what we see and have them prayerfully search their heart to see. They can ask God to help them search and know their own hearts. 

The False Hope of Avoiding Hard Conversations

Most people choose not to have hard conversations because they want to avoid pain (both for themselves and the other party). The logic is obvious at one level. Hard conversations are hard and painful. But there is a flaw.

Hard conversations are painful.
I want to avoid pain (fear of pain).
Therefore, I will avoid hard conversations.

Absence of pain is an idol that you are putting above the needs of love. It is a selfish thing to do. This lie believes that the pain free life is the abundant life. The only pain free life will be found in the age to come. In this life, there is pain. The question is what kind of pain you will choose. Permanent, unresolved, relational pain.

Sharing hard things makes people think you are not nice.
I want everyone to think that I am nice (fear of man).
Therefore, I will choose not to share hard things.

Is that loving? You do not have to have a hard conversation if you are not in danger and the other person is not in danger. If you can overlook an offense, do it. If it keeps coming up to the surface, then you can’t overlook it anymore.

Ultimately, if someone makes a wrong turn and leaves the path of joy, it is not nice to let them keep going. If the pursuit of joy is a community project, then it is not nice or loving to say nothing when someone stops pursuing their joy in Jesus.

Application 2
Christian Hedonism As a Community Project in Marriage

Paul’s words also apply again to marriages. The idea of interdependence in relationships is obvious. You have probably heard the phrase “if Mama ain’t happy, ain’t nobody happy.” It is true in families—and it is true across the board not just for mamas. Husbands, let me address you again. The one-flesh relationship that you enjoy in marriage makes this even more obvious.

In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church, because we are members of his body.—Ephesians 5:28–29

Harsh treatment of your spouse makes about as much sense as someone treating themselves harshly. If something on your body causes you pain, you do not lash out at it. For example, if you stub your toe and you feel pain, you do not take it out on the toe—you stupid toe, I will show you. All you are doing is causing yourself more pain.

I remember trying to get this point across to a husband while doing marital counseling in Louisiana. He had a pattern of taking his frustration out on his wife. I told him that would be like getting mad at your face and then slapping it. My point backfired because I accidentally slapped myself too hard and it brought tears to my eyes. I felt pretty stupid. However, it ended up being an effective point because you sometimes prove ridiculous by being ridiculous. Mistreating your spouse is not only sinful, but it is stupid. You think that you are punishing them, but you are punishing yourself. You think you are getting them back, but you are just getting yourself.

Conclusion

Christian Hedonism As a Community Project in Communion

At the Antioch Moment prayer gathering on Wednesday night, we all read two texts about waiting together for Jesus.

So Christ, having been offered once to bear the sins of many, will appear a second time, not to deal with sin but to save those who are eagerly waiting for him.—Hebrews 9:28

When he comes on that day to be glorified in his saints, and to be marveled at among all who have believed, because our testimony to you was believed.—2 Thessalonians 1:10

We will marvel together at the Lord Jesus when he comes because we will see him as he is and he is marvelous. But we are meant to marvel now. We don’t see fully, but we do see in part. And whatever part you see should be shared with your brothers and sisters.

Think about it this way. Hebrews 9:28 says that we are not just waiting for him, but “eagerly” waiting for him. I thought about what “eagerly” waiting would look like. I realized that the degree to which I know the one I am waiting for is the degree to which my waiting will be eager waiting. Our sight of Christ fluctuates. Sometimes I see and sometimes my vision is clouded. I know that I am helped when my brothers and sisters share with me what they see. When they share what they see, my waiting becomes even more eager.

Therefore, let me fence the table as it relates to union and communion with God in Christ. First, this is a meal for forgiven sinners who have union with God in Christ. You have stood firm and will continue to stand firm only by faith in Christ. If you are not a professing believer in the Lord Jesus, do not take the elements. You do not become united to Christ by taking the elements—you only take the elements because you are united to Christ.

Second, this meal is meant to serve your communion with God through Christ. It is one way that we as pastors work with you for your joy. It is meant to help you marvel at Christ. It is not a dour/sour meal. The meal has some aspects of sorrow—it is painful to remember the pain that Jesus endured to save you. But on this side of the cross you are meant to marvel at the pain—it was for your joy! Therefore, the meal must have aspects of rejoicing—it is a celebration meal. We celebrate that the price was paid. We remember the rousing victory cry: It is finished. We celebrate the decisiveness of our salvation—the unbreakable nature of our union with God because of the cross of Christ. It is a celebration of identity. We no longer wander—we belong. We are not lost—we are found. We are no longer dead! Because he died and rose again, we are no longer dead—we are raised to walk in newness of life. And by faith, we proclaim his death until he comes. The tomb is empty, heaven’s throne is occupied, heavens banquet halls will be filled, Jesus is preparing a place for us. He will return. This meal is meant to strengthen the “eagerness” of your “eager waiting.” 

Third, this meal is a family meal. It is a reminder of all that is ours together. It is a testimony to the greatness of what we share in common—what identifies us as a family. We are the bride of Christ. We are the children of God. We are fellow heirs of the grace of life. So go ahead, look around. I mean it. Communion is not a time where we say “everyone bow your head and close your eyes.”

We have both in-look and outlook. With in-look, we look in and search our hearts for unconfessed sins to see if we are cherishing sin in our heart. Yes, yes to introspection and in-look. But not to the exclusion of outlook! I bet none of your family meals exclude outlook. Do you pull up your chairs and eat together while always looking down at your food? Do you do what I used to do as a kid and put all the cereal boxes around you so that no one can see you? I hope not!

Go ahead and look at this congregation. See those who are seated at the table with you. You belong to a family. When the Meyers sit down as a family for our family meal, it becomes real clear real fast if there are unresolved conflicts. Family members have a hard time looking at each other. It is a hard moment, but it can be good because we know where reconciliation needs to happen. Look around. Is there anyone that you want to look away from here at Bethlehem? If the answer is “yes,” then that is an invitation to have a hard conversation. But remember one thing: you can have hard conversations around the table because of what is on the table. We have a sacrifice that has decisively paid for our sin. We can forgive because we have been forgiven. Marvel together at the work of Christ. 

If there are unbelievers here, please know our anxious longing that the table would be full. There is always room for another. What Christ has done is sufficient. No one who comes will ever go hungry or thirsty. We long for you to marvel with us and say: Knowing You, Jesus, knowing you. There is no greater thing. You’re my all. You’re the best. You’re my joy, my righteousness. And I love you, Lord.

Closing Song: "Knowing You"

Discussion Questions